Lost One's Weeping
by iliekgiraffes
Summary: Rin a high school student who likes to hide from his feelings realizes something when a figure appears and reminds him of the pain he felt when his boyfriend Makoto died. (READ THE AUTHORS NOTES BEFORE YOU READ THE STORY!)


**AN:** This didn't take that long to write but it sure as hell was fun, this is what I believe the story to be for this song: watch?v=nZHXSN6lEEw&list=TLanu3eLDH31-bv3xQBEmavRcbSXMcaJoG&index=3

Anyways, yes this is Rin. I don't really get to say his name that much in this so telling you before you read. Also I suggest listening to the song before you read ^^ it'll help you sorta what I was going for. This story is also based on my interpretation of the song! There are plenty of other theories if you are interested enough.

**~X~**

I was sitting in my Japanese class, I hate it the most but it's only because I'm terrible at it, I'm better at Mathematics and Science because I like numbers and equations.

"Matsuoka-San! Pay attention!" My Sensei scolded.

I didn't need too I could always google the answers later, I know my career won't ever need Japanese skills. Tapping my foot lightly I stared out the window and remembered the events that happened yesterday, my boyfriend Tachibana Makoto hung himself. It sure shocked everyone but not me, he was always a nice guy but even he had his limits.

A few papers were placed on my desk by the student in front of me, I grabbed one and passed the rest back. Examining the paper I noticed the title at the top 'Personality Essay!

' Proceeding downwards were the instructions. 'Instructions: Fill this page with words about yourself, what you are like and what you know about yourself that others don't! If you don't want me to read a part write don't read, as long as it fills space.'

I had no idea what I was supposed to do, we had a little bit of class left before we leave for the day. I flipped to the next page, but it was blank except for the lines I was supposed to write on. How was I going to do this, I don't know what to write. My whole life I just focused on grades and Makoto and not myself, I didn't even realize I needed to figure out who I was.

Never have I ever thought about what my own personality was, it was always just what happened around me and I guess for that I really pay the price for this paper. Sensei wrote something on the board but I wasn't paying attention, it was most likely a due date but I was so focused on what to do about the blank sheet that stared me in the face.

My friend Sousuke sat next to me and studied my worried expression, he rolled his eyes and got back to writing his paper. That's another thing that shocked me, I knew him better than I know myself, hell I could sit here and name every event in his life from birth to this day.

My thoughts were jumbled as the bell rang and everyone started leaving, I just stayed there sitting I had no where to be since I lived alone so I could stay here all day. Twisting the pencil around in my hand I went through a soul search. That's when I realized something...

My boyfriend literally died yesterday and I only cried for a few minutes, I wasn't reacting like a person whose love of their life died. I was supposed to be mourning and crying anytime he is mentioned but I'm just here not really reflecting on it. Makes me think that I never really cared about him, but I know it's bullshit because I was very much in love with him.

I stayed there thinking like this for a long time, so long that even the Sensei left. But I eventually just wrote down equations and solved them. But I stayed even though everyone was gone, I was gone. A figure appeared on top of the desk in front of mine, in the blink of an eye both of our desks were in the middle of the room and the other chairs were scattered around us in a circle.

But for some odd reason, I wasn't really confused it seemed okay. The same sheet was in front of me, as long as the figure, he had the same uniform I did even the same hair, but his face was strangely covered by a piece of paper taped to his forehead.

Even though his face was covered up, I knew who it was. There has always been a part of me that just wanted to know right or wrong, but the choices I make I feel will always be false.

"Can you read the black board?" He calmly asked, I looked behind me where the black board was located. The words written before were jumbled and sloppy and I had no way of telling what the Sensei wrote, I shook my head.

This was weird, why was he asking me about the black board, was it important to what he wanted to talk about with me. His intentions were unknown but I was hanging off every word he said, I wanted to know why he was here at the time.

"Makoto, do you remember his lost fantasy?" That question hit me hard, I don't know why he's asking me about Makoto. I didn't have an answer, the only time he told me about a dream of his was when we were kids and I'm pretty sure that doesn't qualify, so yet again I shook my head.

Why was he asking questions about things that I don't know, shouldn't he know that I don't know them or hasn't he been paying attention. The topic of Makoto was still very sensitive so why was he bringing him up, and why at a moment where I'm searching my head for answers myself. I have so many questions I just don't know how to voice them!

"Have you heard of the one who dyed his red heart to black?" No, I had no idea that you could even dye a heart. What does that mean? Is it a weird analogy or something, is he doing this to confuse me, is he trying to help me with something. I was scared, were these questions I was supposed to know the answer to or are they ones I still need to find out?

I couldn't answer any of them with a solid answer I shook my head whilst shouting "Well who could it be? Just someone tell me!" I was so pissed off, I wanted the answers to the questions but it seems he only wanted to know if I knew the answers to them which I didn't! I just ditched my chair and sat on my desk, crossing my arms over my knees.

"Can you solve the question with your abacus yet?" He asked again throwing me off guard, why would he answer my question answer with another question answer! But I had no idea how to answer this one, was he poking fun at my love for numbers by saying that I can't just fix them with my abacus.

It was all confusing and I didn't understand, I tried ignoring it all just focusing on the paper still in front of me and blank again, some how it turned into a canvas sized sheet. I was completely happy just doing my homework and hanging with my friends. Why was this happening, it was just fucking with my subconscious.

"Could you have stopped the rope by hanging him by his neck?" I... I had no words for that one, I just sat there, thinking about it. About how when I walked up to his house one day there were police everywhere, an ambulance too but there was nothing in it yet. I was aloud to see the scene, his family just wanted me to see for myself what happened. So I walked in his room and there he was, hanging from a rope eyes dead and rolled back into his head neck broken making his head hang to the side.

I couldn't stand to look at it, he was one of my main focuses in the planet and it was gone, hanging right before my eyes and I couldn't take it. I felt helpless and alone, but this itching feeling in me told me to not be so hung up about it. I listened to it, but now being here with this other self and being reminded of it I realized it hurt me more than anything.

The image of his face, not smiling and not warm, just completely blank and lifeless. The way he moved back and forth over a knocked down chair, it broke me. And I just sat there hands crossed over my knees face buried in them as he asked another question. "Did you choose right saying you were okay this way?"

I wasn't paying attention though, I just wanted to know how he knew all these things. I mean it's not like I care, but it was perplexing... But I just realized, maybe I'm not just focusing on the people around me because I'm not interesting. Maybe it's because I just hide, I don't want people to see how weak I am, to see how vulnerable. That's the self I was so obsessed with convincing myself I was.

At this point the canvas sized paper was on the ground along with the original two papers, I was hiding from the one that knew the truth about myself and who I really was. I didn't care about him anymore, I didn't want to solve the homework, I just wanted to be left alone.

He still stared at me and stated "There's demons inside of us all Rin..." He knew my name, I don't care about that now I wanted out. I wanted to be back in the real world, I want to become that same persona I was, I didn't want to face my demons. I just want everything to be the same, I wished oh how I wished Makoto would be there with me. It didn't matter how I left, if I would be back in the real world or by other means. "Let me just leave... Someone kill me..." I begged, pleading pathetically.

"Can you read the black board." No. "Makoto, do you remember his lost fantasy?" No. "Have you heard of the one who dyed his red heart to black?" No. "Can you solve the question with your abacus yet?" NO. "Could you have stopped the rope by hanging him by his neck?" **NO. **"Did you choose right saying you were okay this way?" **NO!**

"Just tell me how. JUST TELL ME HOW!" I shouted, he needed to let me out now, he was making me face so many things that I didn't want or need too.

"Can you even say the formula of area now? Can you even scream the dreams you swore would never go out? Who was the the one you let their hopes just curl up and die?" I stood up at the last one sick and tired of his damn questions, unshielding my face and looking straight at him. "Who could it be? No it's gotta be-" He was about to say.

I raced up to him grabbing his uniform and holding him slightly over my face, I had a few words I wanted to share with him and now he's gonna hear them. "Just **OPEN **up your eyes, why don't you **grow up **and see?!" I couldn't see his face, but I could feel the emotion of shock around his body.

"But what the **hells **"growing up" and tell me **when **will I be!? Can a **single **person out there just **explain **it to me?!" I threw more and more questions at him, showing him just how confused I was about my predicaments but I'll try to make a effort and change.

I finally realized what he was trying to make me realize, I can't hide from my problems with stuff that I'm good at. I need to make an effort to learn from mistakes and feel hurt even when I don't want it, I can't hold back my feelings anymore.

"Hey, just tell me how. IT'S NOT LIKE I CARE NOW!" I shouted at him before he disappeared and the desks were back in place. I looked around the classroom shocked, before picking up the assignment and going home to finish it. I finally had my answers...


End file.
